NGH

what is this I don't even..?

CRUMP DADDY

I really dislike crying.  To me crying is pathetic and has no point to it. It doesn't change anything, except maybe get you a few sympathy hugs, so why bother?. I mean, I don't mind when other people cry, but if I find myself crying I'm disgusted. I feel like a pansy when I cry. A weak little girl who can't be strong enough to just not cry.

This morning I woke up crying because of a dream I had..... my best friend and I were staying with another friend. They slept in the same room together, and I slept by myself in another room. The next morning I was so excited to hang out with them, but they asked me to leave. They didn't want to be around me - I was worthless and they couldn't be bothered with me.

I woke up and I couldn't figure out why my eyes felt so hot. It then dawned on me - I was crying. But over what? A stupid dream? I didn't feel upset, and I was lying there quite happily trying to go back to sleep, but no matter what I did my eyes kept leaking. I really do not understand my body.

IN OTHER NEWS

The internet has fucked me up big time, harhar. I don't trust anyone. On the internet everyone has an ulterior motive, so I immediately assume everyone in real life is like that to. If anyone shows interest in me as a person I laugh it off and wonder to myself who is putting them up to it, and what they're bribing them with. Trolling has affected me very deeply. No lie. Everything I say can either be taken seriously or as a joke, but I'm usually never being serious but you can't tell because I'm being serious but making up crap to be serious about. Are you confused? Because I am.

AND WHAT IS UP WITH SEXTING? And phone sexing and stuff. How can people do that stuff over the phone? Just casually like, "Yeah, I want you to lick my sensitive feet with your delicious tongue.. I want you to nibble on my delicate, manicured toes.. Mmmmmmmmm, baby, yes!"

How awkward would that be? I don't think I could even do that in person, but hey, each to their own.

Well, this was fun.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (even though we only just bothered to put the tree up today with 6 days until Christmas)